Let’s birt dem babies!


So while I was doing the dishes and Pinteresting… because I like to multitask.. and because I’m sometimes pretty dang good at it (not really), I was talking with a friend who’s going to be a first time mom in November. (When do you actually get the mom title? As soon as you pee on the stick or when you birt dat baby!? I’m sure that would cause a stupid huge debate so lets just not even go there!)

Anyway, so yeah, my friend is  preggers (does that kind of annoy you when people say “preggers”, on some days it does for me, and I don’t even know why. I’m being ridiculous, I know, sorry.) and it made me take a stroll down memory lane for a moment.

Can we just be totally honest for a moment, I mean can we!? Dude! My delivery was so awesome! (Mom’s who had hard labors, feel free to punch me in the throat when you see me! And YES, I had drugs! I was also induced, so I’m probably batting zero with some of you hardcore mommies. And I’m okay with that, we’re all entitled to our own deliveries! Am I right?!) Had I known I would have enjoyed it so much I would have let the whole world in my room!

When we got there at 6 am… WAIT! Let me rewind to the night before because I want other first time moms to know this.

The night before, I decided to take a hot bath… and yes it was a little hotter than normal because truth is I was a gigantic (literally) ball of nerves. As I slithered my fat behind into our jacuzzi tub, with bubbles all around, the lights dimmed, and Etta James playing on my iPhone, it hit me! OMG! IM SCARED SHITLESS! WHAT DO I DO! I was sooooo afraid of the fact that I was scared to death of becoming a parent (little late for that, don’t ya think?!) So I sent Joe a text telling him I was scared (he was on the couch watching tv). He replied back, “I know, and its okay to be scared, its normal” and for whatever reason, I relaxed. I think him saying it was okay and that it was normal kind of gave me permission to feel the way I did. And its true. We have no idea what tomorrow will bring so it is pretty normal to be scared. I mean bringing a child into this world is a pretty big deal, I don’t care who you are, where you’re from, or what the circumstance. Its mega big, from all aspects!

So as I took in some deep breaths, I glanced down at Beau who was sleeping just as peacefully as could be, I started to sing to him and tell him how much I loved him. I probably stayed in the tub until the water was ice cold but I didn’t want to get out. Because if I got out, that meant it was time for bed, and I knew I wasn’t going to sleep. But I eventually got out and then argued with myself for the rest of the night for not trying to get some decent sleep. I probably slept for 3 hours total because I kept waking up and counting down the hours, then minutes, to the time it was time for us to get dressed and head to the hospital.

Before I knew it, it 4:30 am and I was up. Joe was still sound asleep in bed (turd!). So I went and double checked our bags to make sure everything was there and put on make up. Yes ladies, I put on my full face! That was one of my top priorities! (Vain much?!) So I did my hurr and makeup and off to the hospital we went. I can’t remember the conversation in the truck, or if we even spoke. I probably cried.

We pulled up, went to L & D, and got checked in. Let the fun begin!

My room was freezing and they had me change into that glamourous  hospital gown, and looking back I still laugh at myself for being all shy about coming back out of the bathroom. (Girl please! You’re about to have a baby, if you’re not use to “being on display” by now you need to have a beer!) Is it just me or does $h!t get real when they tell you take take off your panties?! Like you know something serious is about to happen! (Yes I’m a panty wadder! I wadded them up and tucked them into my clothes because *gasp* I didn’t want anyone to see my panties!!!) So I hop into bed and they start with all their questions. And get me all hooked up to whatever. Now heres the part that makes me laugh the most! When they came in to hook up my epidural, I immediately turned into the biggest ninny there ever was! First off, I have no idea what the anesthesiologist was saying because her accent was so thick. I probably agreed to give her a kidney should she ever need one. So they have you sit up in bed, and hold onto one of the nurses, while bending your back like a pissed cat! Geeze I’m giggling right now at myself for what I did next…. I started sobbing and snotting like I was 5 years old! HAHA While I was holding onto the nurse, who was a curvy girl, I realized I was delicately holding on to her (I can’t believe I’m about to say this) back fat with just the tips of my fingers! As if I were going to hurt her if I gave her a full bear hug! She asked “Why are you crying? Does it hurt?” And I said, still blubbering like an idiot, “Noooooooo!!!… I’m just scared!” “Why are you scared?” “I don’t knooooow!” And then like that, it was all over and I was back to my normal self! I think I was mostly upset about the fact that Joe couldn’t be in the room with me when they were doing that. Who knows. I survived it, as you can tell.

After that totally over dramatic moment, I laid back in bed and waited for my legs to go numb. And thats a pretty strange feeling in itself! Joe put the tv on and we chatted with the nurses, who were INCREDIBLY AWESOME by the way! I felt like we had known them for years! And with Joe being a nurse, he was able to translate nurse-ese for me, which was a huge help.  (I also had my water broken for me)

My family started showing up as I got further down the dilation road, and that was nice to have both sets of grandparents there. (Oh AJ! You were the most excited grandparent I had ever seen!) They all stuck around in my room until it was time to start the show. We laughed, told stories, and I doozed in and out every so often. So we’re all just having a gay ol time and my contractions are getting stronger and stronger but I’m not saying a word because I didn’t know I was supposed to. They just told me to press the button for more meds if they were getting too strong. Before I knew it, I was very quietly, holding onto the bed rail and breathing through my contractions while everyone else was laughing… including the nurses. Finally one of them was like “are you having a contraction?” and I said yes, again very quietly like “don’t mind me, I’m just over here going into labor, please don’t let me disturb you.” Seriously, I didn’t want to disrupt anyone! I’m a strange bird sometimes. So they checked me again, and sure enough, it was game time! Everyone left except for Joe and my sister, Cheree. It was important to me for her to be there with me. Joe, I love you with all my heart but I wasn’t sure how you would have been should things go wrong, specially since your a nurse, and know the lingo. I knew my sister would be able to keep calm and carry on should Joe, or myself, get too upset. I was truly worried Joe would get upset and take over the Drs job if he didn’t feel like she was doing an adequate job… of if she pulled out the “salad tongs” (forceps) as Joe likes to call them. None of that happened, thank God!

So there I am pushing and breathing, everyone is counting together, Joe, in my face with his stank Skoal breath (Love you babe!) and my poor sister looking everywhere but down! Cheree, I did laugh inside a little at you for that, but I also now you don’t like getting super “personal” with people! Its all good, you were an awesome Co-Coach! And I loved that she kept that mood happy and upbeat! Never thought that could be possible during a delivery! Maybe that was her own nerves but I appreciate it! However I do remember having to reel yall back into the game a couple times and tell you when I was about to start pushing again! I think I coached yall at that point! Never the less, I had a great team in there, supporting me the whole way.  I also refused to open my eyes the entire time I was in labor. I was afraid I’d see something “gross” and be scared for life!

I do remember looking at the clock across the room and thinking “geeze! I’ve been pushing for 2 hours and it only feels like 15 minutes have passed!” That was probably the only time I opened my eyes during that part, I was too scared to see anything in the reflection of the tv at the other end of the room! Also, seeing all the tools and what not can be pretty scary. I wanted none of that! They did end up having to give me an oxygen mask and I threw up at one point.  During one of the breaks between contractions Joe whispered in my ear “You’ve got probably another 10 minutes of pushing before they take you back for a c-section!” Beau was out on the next push! I don’t know how I mustered up that last push but I did and he was here! I think Joe cut the cord, I don’t know, again my eyes were still slammed shut and they let me hold Beau for like a second. While telling me to open my eyes! I took a peek and closed them again until after they cleaned him all up. When they brought him back over I lost it!  Crying and snotting everywhere, saying “Joe! He looks just like you!” Joe kind of rolled his eyes and said with a sigh “I know.” And he told me “Good job momma! I love you!” and kissed me! Cheree was crying and mumbling something like “He’s here! He’s here! You did such a good job!” She was really excited! I know the experience for her was something pretty awesome too! Both her and Joe took a bunch of pictures and went into the waiting room to show the grandparents. I’ve got video of their reaction somewhere. Its really cute! I’m pretty sure my father-in-law was really to explode with excitement and was so egar to meet Beau.

Everyone was eventually able to come in and they all got to hold Beau and have their picture taken with him, and to me that was so awesome! I truly felt like I had accomplished something so amazing! I had successfully given Joe the son he had always dreamed of having and I given the Comeaux/Fuselier family another grandchild to love unconditonally, a dream come true for them as well!

They moved me to my regular room, Beau went to have his first bath and full assessment and I just wanted to eat and sleep!

Beau stayed in the room with us most of the time, and took to breast feeding like a champ! We did send him to the nursery for a bit so I could get some sleep and boy did I sleep!

So yeah, I’d probably have a litter of kids if we could afford it and if I knew for sure that I’d have the same delivery! Joe and I have been incredibly blessed and we give all the credit to God! I was just along for the ride!

With all this baby talk, and what my feelings were at that time, it got me thinking. What was your experience like? Did it go according to your “birth plan”? Are you happy or upset that it did or didn’t?

What was some of the best advice you got during your pregnancy? What was some of the worst? What do you wish someone would have told/warned you about?

I know for me the best advice I got was from my sister. She said “Jen, women have been having babies on dirt floors in other countries for YEARS! I think you’re going to be ok!” She told me that at the very beginning because I was so nervous about the actual delievery part of it all! I was also worried about just being pregnant in general because we had a miscarriage before Beau.

And the one piece of advice (or heads up) I wish I would have gotten, and I want to share with all you first timers… ASK FOR A SITZ BATH! (Sorry if thats TMI for some) Seriously! It was like going to a spa just for my lady parts! (I think I just heard my mom have a heart attack because I said that!)

I also would have rather some veteran moms started their unsolicited advice off with these particular words “For me, ____________ worked/didn’t work”, instead of “You should/shouldn’t do this/that”. So thats my UNSOLICITED advice for veteran moms! See how nicely that comes back around!

Well my not so little bundle of joy is up from his morning nap and is ready to play! Have great day everyone! And remember, God’s been creating babies for years! Let Him help ya through it all!



4 thoughts on “Let’s birt dem babies!

  1. Courtney McCain says:

    This was hilarious!!! I, myself, LOVED having a c-section for both my daughters. Seriously, it was like a piece of heaven for me. 🙂


    • TheKajunKween says:

      Thank you! I think if you’re able to enjoy your delivery (or at least stay focused on the positive points) it will be a good one!

      I remember when they first handed me Beau, for that split second, I thought to myself “THAT JUST HAPPENED!” I kid you not! That was my first thought! And it was “OMG You just, seriously, had a baby!” Then when I held him again all the mushy lovey-dovey stuff kicked it!


  2. Cheree says:

    Great post Jen! Here’s some unsolicited advice to veteran moms. Take a page from Jen’s book and when you talk about your delivery, try to talk about the positive, especially in front of your kids. Not only did you rock that labor and delivery, you’re even better at the REALLY hard part… bring a mom 24/7.


    • TheKajunKween says:

      Thanks ‘Ree! I’m sure there are less than a handful of mothers out there who will describe their L&D as fun, funny, or easy! I’m very thankful that I can! At least that’s how I remember it anyway!


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